Breaking the chain

A new day, a new start

IT always happens - back off holiday, I'm raring to go. The difference is that this time, just two days in, I'm already making it happen. Now I just need to stick at it.
I need to have small goals and want to aim for half a stone at a time. I know it can be counter-productive to set a time limit on that and to work towards a target, but my brother collapsing and being treated for diabetes is all the warning sign I need, thanks very much. That's why I'm telling myself it's reasonable to expect to lose 7lbs by the end of August - through healthy eating and exercise.
This morning, I did a whole 30 minutes in the gym - treadmill and cross trainer, I got my heart rate up to 146 and down again after that quite quickly. The machinery told me I'd burned around 100 calories on the cross trainer and I have no clue how many I burned on the treadmill.
I was thinking that six stone was a lot to shift, and then I realised it's seven. Oh well. After a year I should see a real difference. But these first weeks are key - yes it's just two days in but I am feeling happy and motivated. I'm not feeling particularly hungry and am not beating myself up for past failures.
The turning point for me was talking to the nutritionist.
Her wise words have really hit home. My mum thinks they were nonsense. She told me so last week - about 10 minutes before offering me a chocolate bar.

Things I learned at my nutritionist's appointment

* FOOD is not 'good' or 'bad'.
* I am not 'bad' for getting fat. The way I eat is not 'disgusting'.
* I am not a failure for putting on weight after leaving a slimming club.
* I do not lack 'willpower'
* I should stop beating myself up about getting fat
* The way I eat, when I eat and how much I eat, is learned behaviour.
* I CAN EAT WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT (Yes I am shouting.)
* Hearing and starting to grasp these things, at the age of 40, makes me cry.

Reduce my stress and I'll reduce my weight...

THANKS again to everyone who responded so fully, thoughtfully and sensitively to my post about "chaotic eaters."
I've been giving the reasons why I eat too much crap a lot of thought and have come to the earth shattering conclusion that in order to lose weight, first I need to lose some of the stress from my life.
But please, anyone, if you are labouring under the misapprehension that I am totally unhappy with my life, that I am a wailing mess thinking all that matters *is* my weight, please think again.
I know it's hardly the done thing, but I would like to point out that apart from my weight, I am very happy.
Sure, like everyone, I have had my 'down' moments - but am doing fine, thanks.
Nor do I allow my weight to hinder my confidence from day to day. It's not like I'm about to hit the local baths in a size 22 bikini or enter Page Three Idol (Oh my God, sorry if that's not a great mental image) but I can still do everything I need to - that's for me and those I love around me.
I suppose that's why heartless shit like this does make me cry a little, on the inside at least.

Quick update - the blog is back!

NEXT week I have an appointment that I hope can realistically boost my efforts to lose weight and get healthy.
It hasn't been the best start as I missed an appointment with the nurse at my family doctor's surgery as I was too busy in my job at Mum's Taxi Services. Oh well.

I found some fantastic support online and have decided to restart this blog in a serious and frank effort to record my progress and thoughts along the way.

Eat all you want...or all you can?

OH what a surprise. My efforts to ovecome a lifetime of appalling eating habits in less than a month have crumbled in the face of mounting deadlines, shopping, cleaning, washing, lost keys and mislaid children's party invitations.

I sit here surrounded by Pick 'n' Mix sweet wrappers. They were hurriedly shoved into a bag in Spar tonight after disco dancing (Melissa's not mine) before we raced home in time to run a bath. (Again for Melissa. Emily too in fact, but not me.) What's that joke? Snickers bars are like crack to me - I've had one of them today too.

The purr-fect revenge on a nasty husband?

YOU often read about men who taunt their partners about how much weight they've put on. Don't you?

They say the women have "let themself go" - because obviously running after everyone they do in the day, leaves them plenty of time to faff about with nail varnish and fancy underwear.

One woman I wrote about, took drastic action when she got fed up of her husband's insults.

She cooked him a cat food pie, put a chilli in his y-fronts, oh and laxative in his tea.

An insight into the life of a sub z-lister: Remembering my failed diet column

"OOH, it's you, it's really you!" A woman screeched as I started my way through the checkout.

"Eh?" I replied, more confused than the time Carol answered the phone and said: "Come in."

"You're that journalist lady, aren't you? The one who used to write about eating every week in the Express & Star."

"Yes," I smiled. "You've made my day." Hey, this is what it must feel like to be Myleene Klass, I thought as I grabbed the Economy apple juice from my trolley.