Forget blame and media bullying. Compassion and education are what's needed to help "Tellytubby" family

SOMETIMES when you watch the X Factor, you feel uncomfortable.

Not so uncomfortable you look away, mind - just broadly troubled that people who, as my mum would say, are not quite the full shilling, are openly mocked, laughed at even, by a pop princess and a multi-millionaire who made much of his cash off Robson and Jerome.

One such contestant, who nearly had me reaching for the off button was Emma Chawner, an overweight teenager in a hotch-potch of a bridesmaid's dress, whom Cowell decided 'sang like a baby.' Except George Dawes looks better.

Then in marched her family. Oh my God, they were as fat and feckless as she was. A nation watched open-mouthed as in they harrumphed, sticking up for their not so little girl and making twisted TV gold as they did so.

I felt bad for them. I'm a fattie too, though I know I can't sing. But like them, I've also proved myself a bit crap at losing weight.

There for the grace of God I thought for an instant, possibly until the smell of a Saturday night takeaway (that's a Chinese, not Ant & Dec) lured me away.

An X Factor return for Emma had the same outcome. This time we also got to see a sickly sweet, and exploitative ITV 2 interview with Holly Willoughby too. Nice.

And as she trotted off into the distance with Holly's "kindness" ringing in her ears, that was the last we thought we'd see of Emma and her family.

But no. There's been a ripple of media interest since. And last week, the Chawners were all over the papers. We should have seen it coming.

Kelvin McKenzie said they were all that was wrong with Britain.

That's to be expected. Who would argue against a family returning to work rather than claiming benefits of £22,000 a year when with a kick up the bum and a better attitude to food and exercise they could be trimmed down and "fit for purpose"?

But the vitrol that has been poured in this family's direction focuses equally on their waist size as well as their work-shy approach to life. Being a "scrounger," it appears, is nowhere near as bad as being a "fat scrounger."

When I read the Sunday Times yesterday, I found the piece on the Chawners' sorry tale by Rachel Johnson, rather upsetting and unsettling.

Here's how it began:

No need to ask who ate all the pies today. Say hello to the Chawner family: Samantha, 21 (18 stone), mother Audrey, 57 (24 stone), father Philip, 53 (ditto), and baby Emma, 19 (17 stone, the same as a newborn elephant). Total: 83 big ’uns.

I nearly choked on my chocolate croissant.

But there was worse to come:

Yup, they’re fat. Disgustingly fat. But that’s not the only reason we were encouraged to laugh and point at the Chawners last week. This fatty family is also on supersize benefits....The Chawners are all permanently latched on to the teat of the state and guzzling to the tune of £22,508 a year.

And:

I admit that when my appalled gaze rested on the Chawner family, I almost had a heart attack myself...

Putting the fattist prejudices to a side for a moment, before you rush to “fatty-bait” – the practice of shaming fatsos into losing weight – consider, please, the Chawners’ case from the other side of the elasticated waistband.

Meanwhile, Susan Ringwood, chief executive of Beat, tells the Sunday Times: “Overeaters know they are unhealthy. They know about their five a day but it’s no easier for them to make the long-term lifestyle changes to their diet than it is for anorexics,” she says. She also points out that when it comes to the spectrum of eating disorders, those who don’t eat, the anorexics, constitute only 10% – the tip of the iceberg. Most eat too much."

Sense at last. I am not fat because I want to be and nor is Emma Chawner. We should know better, but we don't. I've wept in the past about my frankly appalling attitude to food and now I could weep for Emma too.

I've written about childhood obesity here. Throughout the piece experts stress that attributing "blame" is the wrong way to tackle the hefty problem.

This echoes exactly what the nutritionist Lyndel Costain told me.

I'm now back fighting my own battle with fat. For the last six weeks, I've done completely rubbish (there's a near empty packet of Caramel Digestives hidden behind the telly downstairs as I write) as pressures of family illness and stress of work made my eating once again spiral out of control.

But I really hope I can get there. A pair of size 12 jeans is my goal, that and feeling comfortable on holiday. It's not much to ask, is it?

But don't please tell me it's easy. Because it's not. Food has been my friend, my crutch and my comfort for nigh on 40 years.

I eat when I'm hungry. I eat when I'm not. I eat when I'm happy and I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm busy and I eat when I'm bored.

I bet Emma does too.

She will have faced more than her fair share of bullies in her life so far. I personally find it disgusting - more disgusting than a roll or six of fat - that this proud tradition is now being carried on by our media.

I hope and pray someone can find the compassion to explain to Emma there is another way. And that she and the rest of her family find the strength to go for it.

And I mean really go for it, not as the willing guinea pigs of some PR-hungry personal trainer who throws a ratings-chasing tantrum when the Chawners hit the bacon butties again.

Comments

[Steve Jackson]

Beautifully written.

I've also struggled with weight so I know what it's like.

I'm currently in Cameroon surrounded by rank food that even I don't want to eat (for a change) and a sporadically dodgy tummy too - net result is two stone lost in six months.

However, I know the cycle. Sooner or later I'll be home - all that food around me again and I'll be eating for England.

I went on a diet last year before I came away - having weighed myself for the first time in a year or so and been amazed that I had put two stone on without evening noticing. Looking back at pics of the time I can see it happening but I didn't feel any different.

Anyway, the diet - I tried to avoid weighing myself during the week and then on Friday I would jump on the scales and, as often as not, I'd be gutted with the sacrifice made for the want of a half pound here or there.

It's not easy. Like anything, in the short term you can do it - long term - is it really possible to reprogram your urges forever?

I hope that my weight loss will continue - maybe just maybe if I can by pure fluke hit a goal weight here (about two more stone to go) I can never stray far from my scales again and can tackle any pound I go over it - as I put it on.

But if you're losing weight - and you know you've got stones to go and that weekly weigh in says you're making no progress. It's tough. Really tough.

I know it's not glands, not metabolism - I know I have no one to blame but myself but that doesn't make it any easier.

In recent years Britain has woken up to the growing problems of obesity and that's great and it needs tackling. But turning people who struggle with weight into targets for public abuse will not make things better.

Either way - you're way too talented to let it get you down.

You've too much to be proud of to be beating yourself up about it.

**** em all.

Skinny bastards ;o)

[Linda]

Ooh hello, thanks Steve. I'm okay, daren't go near the scales though. I am definitely still lighter than I was this time last year so that's good and am hoping to make it to the gym in the morning.

But I am increasingly concerned by the criticism meted out at people for being overweight - I'm first and foremost a loving mum and the thought of anyone in a similar position say being discriminated against just because of their weight is alarming. There was a story recently where a couple weren't allowed to adopt as they were deemed 'too fat'.

And with all the hoopla about stretched NHS resources, how long before we see people complaining that fat people with Type 2 diabetes (I'm 'borderline' apparently) are costing too much?

There was a piece on the BBC's One Show last week about how questions were being raised about how come alcoholics were allowed liver transplants, and the doctor on the programme (Sarah Brewer) actually said that the treatment of Type 2 diabetes was another issue that for some, at least, raised questions. "Where do you draw the line?" She said and I sadly, agreed with her.
Perhaps only perfect human beings who've never overdone it on the drugs, alcohol or cream cakes, will be 'justified' in seeking treatment...
Thanks again. x

[Sarah]

Really enjoyed the article.

I saw that Sunday Times article and was pretty taken aback at how harsh and smug it was too.

I am quite a fan of Margaret Cho's outlook on losing weight: http://www.margaretcho.com/blog/2003/11/06/the-fuck-it-diet.html

I'm not skinny by any crack of the whip but reading this quite a while ago gave me a better attitude and did help me in a lot of ways.

Good luck with it all anyway.

[Linda]

Hi Sarah - thank you, I'll check out the f*** it approach - I think I could do with a dose of that attitude!

[rachelcreative]

Great post!

It seems being overweight is a "legitimate" prejudice especially in our media.

Being fat, being disabled, or being uneducated (or of lower intelligence than the person making the attack) seems to be acceptable. I hear it from comedians too.

It's lazy, cruel and innapropriate.

Why do we have to be fed lazy journalism, like the Sunday Times piece you highlight, when there's so much good writing around, like your article?

Thanks for doing your bit to redress the balance.

I wish you the best in your size 12 jeans challenge and also in loving the body you have in the meantime.

[Jayne Howarth]

That's a really interesting post, Linda. You speak a lot of sense.

Anyone who is deemed "different from the 'norm'" (whatever the hell that is - I assume it is being slim, white, male, successful in work, wealthy, handsome with wit and wisdom in spades) seems to be fair game for the media or comedians.

And being fair game means that they are usually less powerful to respond and are left like carrion or the vultures to pick over and comment on every aspect of their lives.

This kind of vitriol is lazy, ignorant and cruel. We might have opinions about the welfare etc that this family is picking up, but that should be dealt with completely separately.

As you say, there's apparently nothing worse - according to those reports - than a scrounger apart from a "fat scrounger".

It is a very ugly characteristic, but most of us fall into the trap of responding to banner headlines without knowing the full story.

I may not be overweight now, but I do struggle with keeping the weight down to what I deem acceptable levels (for me).

And I certainly know what it's like to be mocked for being overweight - being taunted by peers when I was a child has had a profound effect on my attitudes towards food and my outward appearance.

You can agree with all the nutritionists in the world about healthy attitudes and tell your daughters that it's not what you look like, it's who you re that counts, but still, in the back of my mind i know I'm saying it and not embracing that myself.

I don't want my daughter to have the self esteem problems I had - and she doesn't need to know my attitudes towards yo-yo dieting.

Your feature is very thoughtful. I hope people take notice.

[Linda]

Hi Rachel, thanks!

I think the snobbery of the broadsheets can be astounding, as Steve, who commented above, points out in this post:

http://ourmanonplanetearth.com/2009/03/22/traditional-media-social-media/#comments

I'm more a tabloid reader for various reasons, but the thing that annoys me the most about the broadsheets is the way they seem to assume their readership is made up entirely of people who have a nanny, a cleaner and a second house in Tuscany.

Like most people I am a mass of contradictions - I am very, very confident in so many ways (wasn't always!) but loving my body? Hmmn that's a tough one. I'm trying my best though and I do have a great pair of knockers....or so I'm told! :)

[Linda]

Oh hello Jayne, thank you, yes not passing on my hang-ups about food to my daughters is pretty much up there as one of my main aims in life! That is so sad, but it's true. I never wanted them to see me on a diet and I never wanted them to hear me moaning about how fat I was.
Other influences can be just as profound though - I'll never forget the day, when at the age of four, Melissa looked in the mirror and declared herself fat.

[Alexa]

Great blog Linda!
I often wonder if I'm going top pass my hang ups to the kids..I hope my daughter has another path .
I was reading a piece on food monthly about what we think is healthy but it's already doomed and gloom..sigh...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/mar/22/obesity-children-eating-habits

[Linda]

Hi Alexa - thanks! Yeah it is terrifying to think about how we could be passing on our own hang-ups to our kids, like everything else, we can only do our best.