THANKS again to everyone who responded so fully, thoughtfully and sensitively to my post about "chaotic eaters."
I've been giving the reasons why I eat too much crap a lot of thought and have come to the earth shattering conclusion that in order to lose weight, first I need to lose some of the stress from my life.
But please, anyone, if you are labouring under the misapprehension that I am totally unhappy with my life, that I am a wailing mess thinking all that matters *is* my weight, please think again.
I know it's hardly the done thing, but I would like to point out that apart from my weight, I am very happy.
Sure, like everyone, I have had my 'down' moments - but am doing fine, thanks.
Nor do I allow my weight to hinder my confidence from day to day. It's not like I'm about to hit the local baths in a size 22 bikini or enter Page Three Idol (Oh my God, sorry if that's not a great mental image) but I can still do everything I need to - that's for me and those I love around me.
I suppose that's why heartless shit like this does make me cry a little, on the inside at least.
I may be "fat and 40" but I'm also loved up and 40 and I'm also a mum of two and busy at work - and yes I love that. But I don't love the stress that comes with this busy lifestyle and that's what I need to sort out, urgently.
I have been treated for depression in the past and I am convinced that actually yes, there was a connection with why I put so much weight on.
Now I am tipping the scales at six (count 'em) stone overweight, I know that the only person who can crack this massive problem, is me.
Others can help and support me, but it's only me who shovels food down my throat and sits on my arse in front of the telly or a computer when I could be out in the fresh air, walking or down the gym, or swimming. And do you know what, I'm bloody well capable of it too. Cheesy it might be, but I look at that video of Jodie Prenger and I think 'let me at it!"
It's not a "diet" I need, but a new attitude and approach to eating - I know that I can still eat plenty, but it does need to be healthy stuff. Not, "good", not "bad" just healthy.
I'd also like to take time to exercise more.
But one of the most important things for me is to let go of an "all or nothing" attitude - feeling I have "failed" if I don't lose five pounds in a week, or whatever. So Jodie lost eight stone in six months, good on her - but to expect myself to do the same, could be a bit disastrous.
An appointment with a nutritionist last week was a non-starter. I never got there. Blame it on my satnav, blame it on the traffic. Just please gloss over the fact that I had half a bag of chips to help me calm down afterwards. Now, what was that I was saying about stress making me eat?
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