Cook yourself thin? Are you having a laugh?

Why are TV diet shows so irritating, patronising or downright bizarre?

Tonight sees a new show on Channel Four where a team of ‘shapely’ chefs show a chubster how to cook her favourite dishes (apple crumble and roast dinners by all accounts.) Yeah right. I once read a hilarious tip in a women’s weekly magazine that said you could still “enjoy” Mexican cuisine if you were watching your weight – so long as you ditched the potato wedges, tortillas, fried beans, sour cream and guacamole – call me old fashioned – but aren’t those bits all the fun? I’m not holding my breath about this show.

I’m a died in the wool fattie and a keen watcher of every diet programme going – I was truly horrified by last night’s Slim to Win with Rosemary Conley as it was little more than a direct plug for her company – complete with a 'team of experts’ from her magazine and a shouty narrator who sounded like she was burning up more calories than those taking part. It was just, well strange. Anyone in any doubt as to where the inspiration for FatFighters’ Marjorie Dawes or the frankly terrifying Carol in Fat Friends may have come from will have had their eyes opened!

But at least there was something to laugh at – the legacy of Gillian McKeith. A 24-stone bloke had his nuts and seeds confiscated. “But I thought they were good fats!” he protested weakly as Rosemary carted away tubs full…

You and me both, mate, you and me both.